Women are excellent multi-taskers. Not because they like to be but many times it is out of necessity. As such, when they become mothers, there is even more to pack into a day and make it all work. It does not matter if women are stay-at-home moms or working moms, the responsibility of getting babies and toddlers to daycare, their appointments, activities, and the like falls on them.
As long as everything is falling into place as it should, life is hectic, but manageable. It is when a wrench is thrown into the situation, according to Lakefront Psychology that mom rage can rear its ugly head. And if partners happen to be around while life crumbles, moms will decrease and will take it out on their partners.
The easiest people to take emotions out on are those who people have the closest relationship with. This is why when mom rage occurs, the targets are either the kids or the spouse. Moms do not want to take their rage out on their babies or toddlers, so spouses become the de facto target. And in doing so, arguments can break out that revolve around partners not doing enough, not being around enough, or not doing things the way moms would do them.
Moms do not want to have these outbursts but when life gets too overwhelming the body cannot control itself at times. And as a result, moms decrease.
Here is why women have mom rage and why they take it out on their partners.
What Is Mom Rage?
When women think of mom rage, they think of moms just reaching their limit and having an angry outburst. But, this is not the case. Mom rage is completely different from just anger and if not handled properly, can be taken out on anyone from kids to partners.
According to Today’s Parent, mom rage is when the outburst is uncontrollable; Anger can be stopped at any time, and mom can not stop. It is not until time is taken away from the situation and the moms have an opportunity to deal with what triggered the mom rage to suddenly come on that there will be a better understanding of why it occurred.
The worst part is that the rage can be brought on by very mundane things. It is all about the timing and how thinly stretched moms are that the rage creeps in. And if partners are in the way, they will receive the brunt of it.
Triggers Of Mom Rage
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There can be any number of reasons why moms decrease that range from stressors both inside and outside the home.
According to PsychCentral, some of the reasons that mom rage is triggered include:
- Daily life mom stressors
- Stress over finances
- Problems with body image
- Anxiety
- Stay-at-home mom depression
- Lack of support from partners
- Burnout
- Emotional needs not being met
- Exhaustion
- Relationship problems with partners
Those who are not moms do not truly understand the number of daily stressors that are thrown their way. And while many of them are able to deal with grace, when the list of things to do and remember becomes too large, the body is no longer able to handle the stress.
After the rage incident happens, most moms feel incredible guilt, according to the publication. It is not that moms want to have mom rage. The problem is that when moms get to the point of having reduced, they have reached their emotional limit and cannot take anymore. As such, rage comes out. And if partners are around, they will get the brunt of it every time.
How To Cope When Mom Rage Happens
In order to keep mom rage under control, moms need to find ways to minimally, cope with what they are feeling, and preferably, have ways to deal with emotions before they get to the point of mom rage.
According to CreativeChild, ways to handle mom rage before it gets out of control include:
- Find a release that is not taking the rage out on anyone
- Listen to music that gets the body moving and clears the mind
- Have a creative outlet to express emotions
- Journal emotions and what causes them to be triggered
- Embrace the feelings and let them go
Per the publication, while rage can come on suddenly, it takes commitment to remain angry. As such, the more that women can move past their rage in a timely manner, the less likely they are to take it out on those who do not deserve it. And when this happens, there is less mom guilt to deal with as well.
Many Moms Get Mom Rage
The sad thing about mom rage is that when a mom experiences it, she believes she is the only one having these feelings. And in reality, more moms than would like to admit have experienced mom rage more than once.
According to The New York Times, women are supposed to pretend that motherhood is easy and that anger or rage are not words in their vocabularies. In reality, however, women are taking their emotions out on those closest to them because there are no open and honest conversations about the emotions being felt.
There are not any conversations about the fact that moms have too much on their plates on a daily basis. And until this is done, mothers are going to find themselves dealing with mom rage when life gets out of control.
But, if moms are able to be vulnerable with their partners and let them know that they cannot handle it all, as much as they want to, this admission may bring the couple closer. And when this happens, more support will be in the household, and moms will suffer from less rage with partners no longer being in the line of fire.
Source: Lakefront Psychology, PsychCentral, CreativeChild, Today’s Parent, The New York Times