Couples generally have conversations about how many children they would like to have. When the first is on the way and then is born, there is an overwhelming sense of love for the little one. Experiencing all the firsts with them is amazing, and the quality time is something that is unparalleled. And while life feels perfect, what would make it feel complete is adding another baby into the mix. But mothers do not anticipate that as soon as that pregnancy test returns positive with the excitement comes guilt. Second-child guilt is something that can be all-encompassing if mothers let it be.
According to Parents, 94 percent of mothers carry around guilt. In that statistic are mothers who have second baby guilt. Something that they did not even realize was possible until becoming pregnant with their second child. And while second baby guilt is a real thing, there are plenty of ways for moms to not only alleviate it but come to terms with it.
This is because as heavy as the guilt feels in the days after delivery, it is something that soon dissipates. Leaving in its place a happy and complete family with siblings who love one another and parents whose hearts have grown larger than ever anticipated.
Here are mom tips for those having second child guilt.
Reasons Moms Have Guilt When Second Baby Is Born
While mom guilt does not set in for women until their second baby is born, for others, knowing they are pregnant with their second baby is all it takes to trigger some big emotions. Something that can be quite large if not properly managed.
According to BabyCenter, some reasons that women experience second baby guilt include:
- Guilt for not having the same immediate bond with the second baby as the first
- Guilt for not having all the attention on the firstborn
- Guilt for not having the same one-on-one time with the second baby
- Guilt for feeling like bond with firstborn will not be the same
- Guilt for not knowing where more love will come from
- Guilt for not feeling good enough to meet anyone’s needs properly
There is a lot of guilt that moms put on themselves. In reality, moms need to give themselves a break. They are doing everything they can to be everything to everyone, which can be exhausting.
Therefore, love each baby for the individual they are and know that as a new routine begins to reveal itself, the guilt will fade away. All that will be left in its wake is love for the little ones.
Know That Mom Guilt Is Normal
Mothers do not talk about second baby guilt because they think they are alone in their guilt. In reality, however, it is very common. And perhaps if it was spoken about more often, less guilt will exist for moms as a result.
According to S-OS Parenting, when moms know that there are others who feel the same as them, dealing with second-baby guilt can become more manageable. And while it may take some time for it to fade being aware that there is a village out there to reach out to virtually or even with local mom groups to discuss second child guilt makes women feel less like they are marooned on an island, per the publication, knowing they are not alone with how they feel.
Why Moms Should Not Have Second Child Guilt
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As much as moms can be told that they should not have second child guilt, saying that alone does not help to fix the fact that it does exist. As such, understanding why there is not a need for second child guilt may go further instead.
According to Meghan Telpner, many reasons that moms have second child guilt is because of the expectations that are put on mothers either by society or by mothers themselves. There is always going to be comments about what moms can do better or what they should do differently. If moms can shut out those comments and raise their babies the way that works for them, as long as babies are healthy, happy, and thriving, that is all that matters.
Ways To Alleviate Second Child Guilt
For those who are in the throes of second child guilt, knowing how to alleviate the guilt is key to being a happy mom who can be there for both of her kids.
According to Parentsthe best ways to alleviate second child guilt include:
- Prepare first child for what life will be like with the baby in the house
- Make everything fun and exciting for the first child when the baby comes home from the hospital
- Give quality time to both kids and do not worry about the quantity
- Keep up the normal routine as much as possible
- Keep a positive outlook on how things will work out
- Ask for help when needed
- Practice regular self-care
The sooner that moms can realize that what they are giving to their babies is enough, the better they will feel. And the quicker that second child guilt will subside.
Source: Parents, BabyCenter, S-OS Parenting, Meghan Telpner